


What's Past is Prologue

by coldfusion9797



Series: Improbable Fiction [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Crying, Depressing, Despair, Infinity War (Marvel Comics), M/M, Past Relationship(s), Sad Ending, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 06:11:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14302545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coldfusion9797/pseuds/coldfusion9797
Summary: Chris and Tom's relationship isn't what it used to be.





	What's Past is Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in a really shitty headspace at the moment. It got projected. Sorry boys, no disrespect intended, and I don't presume to know anything about what's going on in your heads, I just needed an outlet and am so grateful you're there when I need you.

Honestly, it frightened the shit out of him. The first time he saw Tom on the Infinity War set. His mind flashed back to the bright young man he'd met eight years ago, innocent, care-free, excited to be embarking on this adventure together. The man in front of him now was as far from that as possible. There was no other way to say it, he looked like his soul had been sucked out. 

Chris knew life hadn't been easy for Tom, it wasn't for any of them, the pressure was enormous, but most of them had had a gradual rise to fame. For Tom it had been different, his Loki had become the star of not just Thor, but the whole franchise. His star had burned brighter than anyone's but inevitably it hadn't been sustainable. It wasn't Tom's fault, far from it, he was one of the sweetest people Chris had ever met, plus he was talented and hardworking too. It was just the nature of celebrity, especially in todays 'chew 'em up and spit 'em out' type of society. 

The pressure to live up to people's unrealistically high expectations had gotten to Tom, because he wanted to please everyone, but no one was perfect, not even Tom Hiddleston, and under the weight of it all he'd made a couple of dumb decisions. Things a lot of people might do, it's just that the majority of people didn't have the whole world watching them when they took a misstep.  
Worst of all, Chris wondered how much of it was his fault. If he'd had the courage to follow his heart back then, would Tom be happy now? Would there still be light in his eyes?

He was scared to speak, scared to hear a mechanical response, but his cowardice had already done enough, so he plastered a smile on his face and forced himself to try.

"Hey man. Back for another round, huh?" 

The film making process at least was old hat, a familiar comfort, they'd done a film together every other year for close to a decade now.

"Yes. It is getting all rather tedious, isn't it?"

Okay. That was not at all what he had expected. Tom was nothing if not a brilliant actor, and speaking his mind when his thoughts were so dark, was disconcerting. If Tom couldn't even pretend to be happy, things were worse than he'd thought. And if Tom didn't want to pretend then Chris wasn't going to either. And the thing he felt most right now was concern.

"Are you alright, mate?"

Tom gave him a withering look, and didn't even bother answering. Fair enough, it was a dumb question. 

"You know you can talk to me, right? We've known each other a long time now."

"Too long perhaps. I think we've run out of things to say. If you'll excuse me."

And then Tom left him standing there like a complete idiot. 

\---

Tom called upon all his acting ability to maintain his composure until he reached his trailer. Once he'd locked himself in there, there was no need to keep up the pretence. He let the tears fall and cursed himself for messing up his life so irretrievably. 

God he'd tried. He tried so hard to please everyone. To choose roles the critics would like, roles the fans would enjoy, roles he could be proud of. He'd done charity work, even dated a pop star on his agents insistence. But none of it worked. The critics panned him, the fans were fed up with obscure choices, the box office spoke for itself. When the films even made it that far. _Straight to DVD_ , God help him...

The charity thing, which he'd done because he thought some good might come from his monstrous fame, had blown up in his face when he'd had the audacity to win an award, and the dating thing had turned into an absolute circus. It was a hit his career would likely never recover from. Even now, when all he wanted to do was fade into the ether, this damn Marvel contract was holding him to ransom. The job, he could've dealt with, acting was just acting, but the co-star, that was killing him. 

Chris. Wonderful, loveable, unavailable Chris. 

He thought he'd shaken this, but seeing Chris today, brought it all back. And he couldn't do it again. He'd dated fucking Taylor Swift to try to put these feelings behind him last time and just look at how that had turned out. God only knew what depraved thing he'd do this time.

\---

Chris couldn't let it go. Apart from anything else they had a job to do, and that was gonna be shit if they couldn't at least be civil. He gave Tom fifteen minutes and then he was knocking on the door of his trailer. 

Tom was less than impressed when he eventually opened the door. 

"Can I come in?" 

"I'd rather you didn't."

"This isn't gonna work, is it?" It was a plea, as much as a question. He couldn't believe that Tom would want to work under these circumstances.

"You getting your own way? It appears not."

Chris sighed and forced himself not to rise to the bait. Fighting wouldn't solve anything.

"Something is obviously wrong. It's not fair to the others to have this tension between us."

Tom shot him a look of disbelief.

"God damn you..." he uttered, pushing the door open to let Chris in.

Chris wasn't sure where to start, but Tom clearly had a grievance with him personally so that was as good a place as any.

"Tell me what I've done."

"Nothing Chris. How could you? You're perfect. Everyone knows that."

It wasn't even hateful, just flat. That freaked Chris out more than anything.

"I hate seeing you like this."

"Like what?"

"Lifeless. You used to be so bright."

"Lifeless?" Tom repeated, huffing out a humourless laugh. "I suppose that's an apt description."

"I want to help you."

"Don't you think you've done enough? Go back to your wife Chris and leave me alone."

That's what this was about? Chris felt like an insensitive jerk for not seeing it before, but things were how they were, and he couldn't change that. 

"Tom, we've been through this..."

"I know, I know. Believe me I do. You're the one that came knocking."

"It's been so long. I thought you'd be over this by now."

"Then that just shows how little you know me. I was happy exactly once in my life. Can you guess when that was?"

Chris didn't have to guess because he knew. It coincided with the best time in his own life.

"When we filmed Thor."

"Exactly. We weren't famous, no one was watching us, no one expected anything, and you said you loved me."

"I did. I do."

"But in the end it wasn't enough. Don't forget those three beautiful children. You got what you always wanted. You always do."

Chris was silent. He couldn't deny the truth of Tom's words and he couldn't give Tom what he needed. Maybe Tom was right, maybe they had run out of things to say.

**Author's Note:**

> Hoping to make this the first part in a series because I can't leave them like this. Thanks for reading.


End file.
